EVRICA!! I know the source of all issues!

Men are always puzzled by the way in which women think and never could understand the origin of those differences. But now I finally discovered the secret! You girls can't hide anymore, you are Chinese FAKES!!! Your brains come from a sweat shop, that explains all a lot!!

15 minute walk and so many thoughts

Anyone ever noticed how much crap you can think of while you are walking on the street? Maybe it's just me (which is most likely) but I have really random observations and some bitchy critics running through my head, here are some of them

1) The guy in a North Face coat, sweat pants and red Wisconsin hat on the scooter just made a turn in front me. Is it the same guy I just saw on the other corner? Why in the world you all look like freaking clones?! Is there anything else you would like to wear in your life besides that? Or do you do it on purpose so if you get in trouble no one will ever find you? The last one actually makes sense, lets imagine it for a second: "The suspect in today's accident was described as a 6 ft 1" white male in a black North Face coat, gray sweatpants and red Wisconsin hat, the suspect ran away from the scene of accident." Oh that's just great, now the search is limited to couple thousand students! Oh, just wait a second he was not listening to his iPod, that eliminates several hundreds of suspects....darn it people.

2) Walking by the memorial union I can see a girl that fits the image of a coastie: huge sunglasses, purse that is twice her size and another North Face coat, she is talking on her blackberry and of course 90% of her vocabulary consists f words: "Oh my God, He was like, I was like, so cute, like totally wasted etc." Then all of the sudden she sees her friend across the mall and without pausing conversation on the phone she starts to yell "Hiiiiiii, I am sorry I am on the phone.." Ok now, why in the fuck would you even think about doing that?! It is not like she was standing infront of you and could get offended if ignored, she prolly wouldn't even notice you and now she most likely didn't recognize you because you are another clone as well but different gender. Well, now after that you pissed everyone off by screaming at the ear of people around you and ze person you are on the phone, what's next? Are you happy now? If I was a person on the other end of the conversation I would jump in the cab, drive to your class, come to the auditorium and scream at your damn ear and then break your cell phone into pices!! If I was your father I would have got you a "shut the fuck up" cellular plan from AS&S cell provider with the very limited minutes, a fucking 18 digit phone number and filter that blocks words: "like,awesome, NO WAY, totally, wasted, last night, oh my God..."

3) I saw some dude on the street that I know from somewhere but don't remember his name so I nodded and then he reminded me of couple episodes that are still kind of beyond my understanding. I am talking about the so-called "small talks" that happened during some parties (even though I barely go out). So here I was standing on the porch of this house talking to some guy I know, yeah, we talk about what classes we are taking, how was the break, where we live bla bla bla...it becomes clear that he is not interested in this dialogue and it is slowly approaching the logical conclusion. After a short pause he tells me "Aaaahhh, yeah, I think I am gonna go and check on my friend.." Really? Why do you have to check on your friend? Is he alright? Does he have health condition? Is he socially ackward and you are afraid that he is hiding in the closet from the crowd of drunk college kids?And which one of your friends are you talking about, there are like 50 of your friends here?! Your friend is having fun playing beer pong or coins and I am almost sure that he doesn't give a fuck about you checking on him... Let me tell you, the lamest excuse ever! Can't you just say that we can talk sometime later, or that you are not in the mood to talk that would be ok with me because we both know we have nothing to talk about. Now you go inside and straight to the counter and you take a shot! Nice, so are you referring to bottle of cheap vodka as to your friend?! Yeah dude, I have nothing to add, if you can't be straight forward then learn other ways to be polite....

Finally after all that stream of aggressive pessimistic shit in my head I have reached the classroom, I need to calm down, take a deep breath...HOLY SHIT!I see the guy in black North Face jacket, sweatpants and Wisconsin red hat entering the class! Is he stocking me?Coincidence? Never fucking mind there are too many of them....
To be continued...

You Know You Are Russian When...

Here I found a list of stereotypes associated with people from former Soviet Union that are referred to as Russians and are not distinguished by nationality or ethnicity. based on my personal experiences below listed are stereotypes that are true about me or my friends. What can I say, "velcom to ze russian spacestation." Add your stereotypes in comments

1. You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the airport.
2.You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone’s house.
3.You have or had rugs on your walls.
4.Your car windows are tinted twice the legal limit
5.Going over 100 mph is routine
6.At least 5 of your relatives are named Volodia, Yura, Olya, Oksana, Nataliya or Tanya
7.You’re driving on 2 tickets and don’t remember what your license looks like
8.You’ve been driving without a license for 2 years.
9.You stand around in circles of friends for an hour deciding what to do.
10.You know your a new Russian immigrant if you wear church shoes with jeans, shorts, or slacks… while playing volleyball.
11. All of your CDs are burned, or u bought them at a Bazar for 2 bucks a piece.
12.You get kicked out of every go kart, theme park, and anything potentially dangerous.
13.You have five leather jackets and matching gloves
14.You keep your stash of cash under your mattress instead of a savings account.
15.Twelve of your friends get into a movie with only one ticket
16. Your house is full of foreign medicine that is probably illegal here.
17.You use grocery bags to hold garbage
18.You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
19.You eat bread with everything.
20.You recycle plastic cups and plastic plates, and sandwich bags by washing them.

Do You Think Your Life is Boring?

Keep in mind, it has sudden turns and eventually can become "too much fun" like for the guys
above

*** Children are a great comfort in your old age -- and they help you reach it faster, too.

I wish parents of some people I know saw that commercial way back in the day, many things would have been so much easier.

Just Make a Clap!!!

GM's New Competitor?!

To continue on introducing some parts of Russian culture I will present this insight on the new vehicle that could be a good alternative to some US brands :-). American auto industry has been experiencing some serious downfalls that were effected by many factors including strong competition from Japanese car makers and economic world wide hardships. Japanese cars have been doing lots of good things to American society like saving money on gas and repair, increasing safety and decreasing the rate of suicide done by locking yourself in a garage with turned on engine (this old school method doesn't work anymore.) But is there more room for import in this saturated market?

Below attached is a video and photo material that will show some capabilities of those mighty cars, I am sorry but you have to watch them both to the very end

Proof of Obama's International Experience

This is picture of President Obama in 2005 during his visit to Russia with some buddies. As we can see, not only he inhaled quit frequently but also seems to like taking shots as well.

When Men Cry

Those are three situations where even real man is allowed to cry. And when he does that, he definitely needs a Twinsaver tissue.

Russian Supehero vs. DC Universe

I recently was thinking back to my culture and I realized that in the Soviet era there were no superheros in the media or anywhere. I started recalling any possible cartoon and came up with only one character that can be kinda superhero. I will compare him to American Heroes.

Comparison: Russian hero has a name Uncle Styopa, and by profession he is a police officer. His supernatural powers are very limited to just being tall as a fucking Sears Tower. So basically here is this dude that is not only scary as hell because he is tall but he also helps mostly children, damn, those kids gotta be terrified for the rest of their lives. He seems to be more like a civilian watch in the neighborhood then an actual hero. He's wearing a very economy class "very colorful" coat which happens to be the benefit of common wealth in communism. He has no money (obviously) because in Soviet Union there were no rich or poor all were equal and money were almost unneccessary.He doesn't need chicks or anything related to the intercourse which in Soviet camp was immoral and inappropriate.

On the other hand we have this all American heroes that are huge as freaking offensive lineman with pretty much similiar story how they became superheros. They all were part of some experiment and something went wrong or someone dumped steroids in the cereal and now they all are here, saving people of the world were "world" is presented as New York or some American city in most cases. Some of them like batman and ironman are rich spoiled kids that instead of helping terminally ill kids chase criminals and keep wasting their moeny on upgrading their gears. The clothes are flashy and fancy, because in America you can get anything you want.There are also couple smoking ladies present there to distract enemies by flashing body parts...

The conclusion is that Russians don't expect and need miracles they just have balls to take care of their shit on their own. Instead of wasting money on creating imaginary freaks of nature Russians were more focused on producing nuclear bombs and making sure that Cold War will be their bitch.

Jeremy Crane's trip to Israel illustrated

Wolk on Google

I decided to follow Jeremy Crane's example and experiment with the Google search for images. I entered last name Wolk into search and the second think that came up was this image on the left.I would say there is some strong resemblance between Mat Wolk and this penguin. You judge

How do women change as they get older

Very young lady
Thinks she will never kiss without love
Kissing means relations
Doing chores is just to keep parents happy
The most beautiful part of man's body are eyes.
Thinks she won't have sex until 1 month into relations
If boyfriend didn't offer you a ride home- he is a dick

Young Lady
Believes she is very mature
Thinks she will never give bj to the person she doesn't love
Believes she will marry the one she loves and in a gorgeous dress and stuff.
Thinks that cleaning and chores are only neccessary before guests come
Thinks that it is a necessity to wear tons of make up to hide something that compromises her beauty.
The most beautiful part of man's body are arms.
Sex can happen only after second date
If boyfriend didn't give you flowers on bd he is a dick

Young Woman
Thinks she will never have sex with married men.
She has to get married til certain age and have kids to keep her parents happy.
Believes that once she is married she will never divorce
Children can happen only after: you graduate from college, get nice job, build your career
Most beautiful part of man's body is his brain
Sex can happen on the first date especially if you had couple mojitos
Believes that cleaning and chores ca be solved by hiring maid
If after sex he didn't add you on the facebook he is a dick
You should wear more natural make up

Sophisticated Women
Thinks that sex is not enough to add him on facebook
Believes that kiss is not a reason to be accused of cheating
Swears that she will never cheat on him again
Believes that relation is when you live with someone for a half year and you kinda like it.
Believe that most beautiful part of man's body is penis or ass
Thinks that it is now impossible to live in all the mess and dirt pilled up for ages
Thinks that if her man haven't achieved: good job, nice house, nice car.... he is not just dick, he is a pathetic piss of shit
And if he came to the date with you and didn't offer sex he is a fucking moran

Mature Women
Swears that she will never say "never" again because it's gonna be a lie anyways

Best quotes said by men

1. I love work, it fascinates me, I can just sit and watch it for hours. - Jerom
2.What if world is just an illusion and nothing exists? Then I definitely overpaid for carpet-W.Allen
3.Doctor gives me two weeks to live. I would prefer them in August. -R.Sheaks
4.Many men fell in love with the eyes but by a huge mistake marry the entire woman.-S.Leacock
5.The first human being to throw the argument instead of a stone was a creator of civilization.- -Z.Fredu
6. Freedom of Speech can't be more precious then when you hit your finger with the hammer. -Marshall Lamzden
7.Happiness is the pleasure without guilt.- L.Tolstoy
8.Life is whats happening to us while we are making plans.- John Lenon
9.I don't always know what I am talking about, but I know I am always right. - M.Ali
10.I am vegan not because I like animals it's because I hate plants. -J. Winters

.................

Those kids look like victims of domestic violence but the idea is pretty entertaining

I miss my dorms...

If you don't believe that drugs do horrible things to you then watch this

I am FAT DA BU DEE DA BUDA..Top 5 late night MUNCHIES

5) Mini snikers bar
-Fills you up but not quick enough to realize that you are about to throw up

4) Chex-Mix
- Greate salty snack but not sufficient amount of brown pices of fried bread in the mix makes it a huge downer

3) Fruit Gaushers
-Absolutely great "late night" munch but the dose might vary depending on herbs and stuff.One downside is the nasty aftertaste

2) Fruit Roll-ups, no aftertaste, perfect but still not good enough to be the top

1) Greatest of all the time, delightness of a taste and crunch in all time favorite crispy cookies filled with caramel on the inside aka "The Hear Attack"

The guy who wrote the following can't be serious...

What can I say, people like to seek for mysteries even where there are none:


I was talking about this to my best friend when he told me that he predicted that Putin was the anti-christ back when he first took office. I kind of thought it was funny but he tried to back up his argument.

These are his understanding of the Ant-christ from various different people in history who have made predictions.

1. He will be from the Carpathia area, or Western Russia area

Putin was born in Leningrad (Aka St. Petersburg) Western Russia

2. People will disappear as he moves up

Well in my thread up there it shows just some of his opponents who have died mysteriously

3. He will be worshipped by children

At the ceremony we saw on CNN there were thousands of children who knelt before him as he took the oath of office.

The rest of the Prediction catagories would have to happen in the future.

Ever thought how your life would be backwards?

I will posting some short thoughts about how some events would have been better if they happened backwards. First one is broad and general about life as a whole.

So your life path would start from people gathering and talking what a good person you are and how everyone loves you. After that you don't do a shit, you just sit around and keep annoying everyone with your silly advises, keep threatening everyone with your shot gun when you hear word nursing home. Once in a while you recall good old days with your neighbor and 3 wise men. Then without any effort or any supplements and operations you become younger, your teeth grow back and you feel aroused and get your first experience with your wife. Then you return to your job and you are constantly demoted but it is not that important because pretty soon you are gonna become preoccupied with huge number of young women and stuff related to socializing with them.Your daughter goes to school but you can just ignore it. In the next stage you become attractive and since your wife left, you can sit on the couch, drink beer and watch football as much as you want. Then you leave your job to go back to college, school is painful but you could care less because there are hot freshmen chicks around you and hormones just start to kick in.In the next stage you lose a lot of weight and your ulcer heals, liver recovers and you return back to your parents house.Here you don't have to cook, do laundry, care about anyhting. In high school you learn what you already know so you can just sit back and relax. You smoke your first cigarette and make out for the first time. Next thing you know, you don't have to study anymore, you are just spending splendid days running around and constructing towers from bricks and simulate car crashes and eat ice cream. Soon you stop running and your anus shutter speed significantly declines but you are not too woried because you can enjoy some nice female breasts and just lay all day long and be the center of attention. Anyhting you do makes people around you go like "Soooo cuuuttteeee" so you just enjoy everymoment of it. Ultimately you return to a nice warm place, where no one bothers you, no neighbors, no cold temperatures or moscitos. You spend there 9 month and you pass away after an orgasm!!!!

It would have been so mch better then the usual path!!!!

Madison's night club saturday night

A bit about me

I am easy going but hard to stop. Believe in life after death, love after sex and in aftershave after shaving. I think that best friend of women is Photoshop (at least that how it looks from most cheating wife dating sites). I believe that life should be spent in a way that it would be too embarrassing to tell anyone but so good to remember. Also I believe that perfect man doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't gamble, doesn't mess around with women, never lies and doesn't exist. There two things that I do on a regular basis: sleep with Angelina Jolie and lie.
When I was younger I have fallen from the tree and damaged my logic and reasoning (as you can tell). My favorite foods are crispy cookies. I can move my ears and touch my nose with my tongue. My favorite movies are "Where is my chapstick?!" and Britney Spears's video "Womenizer." My ultimate goal is to get a degree in women studies so I can fully understand crazy feminists and finaly find some connection with the opposite sex.